Insanity Workout Day 142: Moby Tree

5-26-10: “From hell’s heart I stab at thee…For hate’s sake…I spit my last breath at thee!” – Khaaan from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, quoting Captain Ahab from Moby Dick.

Ahhh…it was going to be one of the best workout weeks…EVER! Instead it turned into a pretty gosh-darned good week. I completed workouts four days in a row (Thur-Sun), and finished with a workout on Wednesday for a solid five workouts in seven days. The roadblock came on Monday.

All was quiet on Monday. Too quiet. The storms had settled. The clouds had opened. A ray of sunshine illuminated the seas like never before. Yes. Monday, like so many other days, would be a good day to battle Moby Tree. I moved bravely towards my foe, armed with only a shovel and the spirit of a man who had faced insanity, fallen to the brink of despair, but had never blinked.

I would strike the first blow that day. Energy seething through my veins, and an unshakable will helped me drive the shovel down again and again and again. But, Moby Tree had not survived for so long just to fall before my blade so easily. Every strike, every blow, every effort to uproot the mighty Moby Tree was met with fierce resistance and a quiet resolve. My enemy, mocking me, knew that it held the defensive advantage. I knew this. All he had to do was stay still and he would win. I had to find a way to prevent the monster from playing head games with me. I am in great shape (thanks to the wonders of the Insanity workout and world-renowned dancer, choreographer and fitness guru Shaun T) and need but continue my relentless advance while ignoring Moby Tree’s bizarre brand of psychological torture.

Much time has passed. The monster’s tentacles are fierce. They hold to the seas like a thousand anchors. I thought he had been contained, trapped in a plastic circle prison of doom. Alas, this was not to be. I will never know exactly when, but he had broken through his plastic prison long ago to entrench himself to depths I could barely fathom (though certainly less than a fathom).

It is past the hour and a half mark. The shovel whines and threatens to crack with every effort to displace the beast. I stare at the heavens, swearing that the battle will not be lost by me. Moby Tree will not beat me a second time. Blood filled my eyes and with a horrible vengeance I struck down at the tentacles. No more simple displacement. There would be blood tonight. I struck down again and again. A thousand times I struck down. The creature, originally so stoic, writhed in pain, and clinched with so few remaining tentacles to survival.

My arms, near dead to the world, would not continue. I remembered the powerful mantra from the wise man, Shaun T, “you can do it. Focus and go.” I raised the shovel above my head with both arms and crashed it down with the force of a volcanic eruption. The beast wailed, but would not submit. I brought it up again, slowly, energy dissipating, knowing that I had nothing left for the relentless assault of speed from earlier. I only had energy for a few remaining blows, so they must be mighty blows. The shovel, now an extension of my being, slammed to the earth with the power of a thousand meteors. The beast let out its last gasp, and I collapsed. Despite having killed the beast, I now know that neither of us won that day.

As far as the workout was concerned, I now consistently make it through the warm-up. I do not make it through the power and resistance warm-up, but make it through the regular warm-up every time. Excellent progress. I find myself cursing Shaun T less and less during the warm-up, but still at a moderate level during the actual workout.

During Plyometrics, I feel like I am getting really close to making it through the first half of the workout. So close I can taste it. The second half still has my number, but usually only the last two exercises (ski abs and suicide something or others).

Pure Cardio still has its moments, but I still feel light years away from being able to complete this at the level I feel necessary to move on to month 2. Still getting a great workout from it.

Power and Resistance…my old friend. The warm-up makes me very sore still. This makes the rest of the workout oh so fun. While definitely painful, I do feel I am making great progress towards completing this workout as well. Even the second half of the workout is not out of my future vision sight. The moving pushups at the end are brutal, but I can feel myself catching my breath a little bit during them. The floor sprints that follow sap any and all energy I have left, but it’s certainly all in good fun.

Well…good week. Must maintain at least a 4 workout a week average. Though, the fabled seven workouts in a week is not hopelessly out of range, considering this 5.5 (depending on how you view Moby Tree) workout week.